This month, my mother-in-law turns 95. 

Last month we were shopping to find her a pair of jeans with sparkles on the pockets for her to wear to the weekly seniors’ dances held in her community. 

I wish I could bottle what she has! She is active, still drives, and keeps up with all family activities. She hasn’t always had the easiest life, and I am in awe of her tenacity. 

A few years ago, when she was just 92, I was one of four – her daughter and three daughters-in-law, along with her sons chiming in, who helped her redecorate her home. 

And if your sympathy on reading that sentence lies with my mother-in-law, you would be correct. Yet, she weathered us with a composure I can only admire. 

As we all popped in to see the progress after new carpet and painting were completed, she heard the various voices chime in: 

“Now you should…

• put those pictures on this wall

• change that table

• install a new light

• move this chair there

• take that photo down 

• hide this blanket 

• buy a new one…” etc. 

You get the idea!

This is a woman who spent a 70+year marriage doing only what her beloved husband desired. Meals reflected his tastes, holidays were spent to please him, and household purchases were dictated primarily by his tastes and budget priorities. Doing what pleased Ivan is how Dorothy happily lived her life.

Not that he wasn’t a generous man when it came to his wife. I still recall the Christmas close to their 25th wedding anniversary when she opened his gift to discover a new diamond ring and the emotional outpouring of her love in response. Usually there was a beautiful new outfit in her Christmas box that he would have taken time to select from a local lady’s wear shop. 

I didn’t realize her tastes may have run in a different direction until after he passed away and she began cooking and ordering food that he never wanted. And then came the renovations, encouraged by her daughter, to update her two-bedroom senior’s unit. Soft grey walls, white trim and a grey carpet followed the installation of a new kitchen counter and backsplash. All elements complemented the modern, refreshing colour scheme. 

The decorating instincts of all the women in the family kicked into high gear. New arrangements for family photos on some walls paved the way for new prints to provide a focus on other walls. Now she relaxes in her easy chair looking at a winter scene of an old shed nestled in the middle of towering evergreens. From her table, she can imagine sitting on the end of a dock with her feet cooling in blue lake water. Bedroom prints in soft blues and greys connect to new throw pillows on the bed and new towels in the ensuite. 

But a close second to living her life for Ivan was doing what she believed would make her children happiest. When one son said “this” and another son said “that,” what’s a woman to do? 

She smiled her way through it all, and frankly, I don’t think we’ll ever know if the final result is what she truly wants, or reflects a choice to make someone else happy. 

But my mother-in-law is a wise woman. She has perfected that secret to a happy life by knowing: Happiness isn’t getting what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got. 

I humbly confess, it’s a lesson I still work at achieving!